Michelle's Diary

Mara Dyer

2011-08-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

Mara Dyer doesn't think life can get any stranger than waking up in a hospital with no memory of how she got there.

It can.

She believes there must be more to the accident she can't remember that killed her friends and left her mysteriously unharmed.

There is.

She doesn't believe that after everything she's been through, she can fall in love.

She's wrong.

The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer hits stores everywhere 9.27.11. Pre-order your copy here. Download the widget here. Enter to win an Advanced Reader’s Copy here.

FYI: Birthday Bash Giveaway

2011-04-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

Go forth and enter!

Giveaway Alert

2010-12-28T02:24:00.000-08:00

Beyond Words is having a giveaway where you can win a pre-order of a few of these books:

How would you feel about a pre-order of one of these? Or how about two? Or three?

First Place
3 book pre-orders from the above

Second Place
2 book pre-orders from the above

Third Place
1 book pre-order from the above

So how do you go about winning one of these prizes? Just a few things and you can be entered! Click HERE to go to her blog and enter.

The Body Finder Giveaway

2010-12-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

KIMBERLY DERTING (the author of The Body Finder and Desires of the Dead) IS HAVING A CONTEST!!!!!

Here is what you can win..

FIRST PRIZE: A signed ARC of DESIRES OF THE DEAD, a signed copy of THE BODY FINDER, and a complete Desires of the Dead swag pack (including a signed DotD poster, bookmarks, stickers, rubber bracelets, and buttons).

SECOND PRIZE: A signed copy of THE BODY FINDER, an ARC of UNEARTHLY, and a complete DotD swag pack.

THIRD PRIZE: An ARC of THROUGH HER EYES, a $15 gift card to the online bookseller of your choice, and a complete DotD swag pack.

RUN OVER TO HER BLOG AND READ ALL ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO ENTER!

I'm going to be a second grade teacher!

2010-07-23T14:24:00.000-07:00

I wrote this post for my other blog but I thought I post it here too because I haven't written on this blog for a while and here's the latest of what's happening in my life. Here we go...

The upcoming school year is going to be a big one for Leslie and me. First of all, Leslie is starting high school in the fall! She's very excited yet nervous. As for me, I'm going back to elementary school. As some of you may know (because I mentioned it here a few times before), I graduated in 2009 with a degree in elementary education. Last school year, I didn't get a teaching position because the schools that were hiring were all from Oahu and I'm back to living on Maui after graduation. Instead, I took an educational assistant position at a local high school. I wasn't sure I'd like it at first because I had no experience in a high school setting, but after some shuffling around I ended up in a special ed classroom and got to work with a group of great kids. I also gained experience in a low-function SPED setting, which I was sorely lacking.

But this summer, I started to get phone calls for teaching position interviews again and from local elementary schools this time. I completely bungled my first interview which was over the phone but I was better prepared on my next interview. This time it was face-to-face with the principal and two teachers and, man, did they grill me! I thought I messed that one up too but a few days later the principal called me for a second interview and the next day I got "the call." I got the job! I'm going to be teaching second grade this coming school year! My first thought after hanging up the phone was: "what have I gotten myself into."

Here's the deal about my whole teaching thing. On my final semester of college (which was the student teaching semester), I realized too late that while I like teaching I'm not passionate about it like my classmates in the college. I felt like I was going through the motions just to graduate. But I went through with my degree because I was so close--just one semester off from graduating and my parents were pressuring me to graduate as well. When it came time to find a job and I ended up as an educational assistant, I was actually relieved because I wasn't a teacher. It was like a reprieve--I was in a classroom setting so I was essentially using my degree but I wasn't a teacher. With this new job, I am. This coming school year will be THE year I really experience having my own 20-plus students and classroom. I'll really see if I'm cut out to be a teacher and can do it for so many more years. If not, then it's time to stop living in limbo and I have to figure out what I really want to do with my life--whether I want to go back to school and pursue something else... like publishing.

Ever since I started blogging books and being expose to the world of publishing, I realize this is something I'm quite passionate about. It's almost a year since I began and I'm still learning and still enjoying it. I see myself keeping up the blog for years to come, which is weird because I'm one of those people who never stick to a hobby for more than a month. It's been in the back of my mind to maybe go back to school and pursue a degree in publishing and marketing and make it a career instead of a hobby. Unfortunately, I'm a bit broke and with having to pay back student loans, I may have to wait another year or two.

Anyway, I am going to be a second grade teacher and despite my conflicting thoughts about it, but I'm actually pretty psyched. Yes, I'm nervous and scared I'll mess up but excited nonetheless. I know I'm going to have an interesting and challenging year ahead of me because it's my first year teaching (and I've heard stories about this "magical" year). We'll see how it goes...

Yikes, I'll shut up now. I wanted to share my news and my whole teaching conflict with you all but this post became very long-winded. Sorry! If you're still reading, thank you!

Umm... any advice for a first year teacher? Any advice will be much appreciated (as well as ideas for first day of school activities)! :)

**The pictures are from last summer, taken when my friend and I were touring an Amish village in Pennsylvania. We found the school house and I played teacher.**

The REAL Truth Why I Haven't Blogging...

2010-03-24T10:54:00.001-07:00

is because I have another blog that is more interesting because I talk about one of the loves of my life... BOOKS!!

So, please check it out. It's called Michelle and Leslie's Book Picks! It's a book blog I share with my sister and one there we talk about all things books as well as review books and hosts giveaways a couple times a month.

So, please check it out!

The show Life Unexpected

2010-02-26T13:38:00.000-08:00

I've been watching this new show by the CW since it premiered and I really like it. It's acting is sort of like Gilmore Girls and a nice new family drama to tune in to every week as I'm not that into shows like Vampire Diaries or Gossip Girl. For those who don't know the story line:

Lux has been in foster care all her life. She wants to get emancipated so she goes off looking for her birth parents. She found her dad, Baze, first and he is starting up his bar. He is a hang loose sort of guy and the opposite of Cate (played by the actress in Roswell), Lux's birth mom who is a radio DJ of a popular morning show that she hosts with her fiance. Cate, who was a nerd, had Lux in high school after a one night stand with Baze, who was a jock. She didn't tell him that she was pregnant and gave Lux up for adoption.

Both Cate and Baze ended up taking the news of a long lost daughter well and decided to take her in and give her a family which was good because Lux ended up not getting emancipated and was put into temporary custody with Cate instead.

Sorry, not very good with summarazing stuff but just google it and watch the show because it's pretty good. Anyway, I was watching it last night and realized Cate is not a very likable character. You'd think she would be like Lorelei but she's the most unsympathetic character in the show. My favorite characters in the show are Lux and Baze. All in all, great new show... better than what's on this season anyway.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2010-01-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday I was telling my family how I wanted to get sick for at least three days because I dislike going to work and how awesome would it be to be able to skip work and stay home even if I'm sick and blah, blah...

Lo and behold, I started to feel crappy on Tuesday but I went to work. The next day I started to lose my voice so I figured I got my wish and stayed home for the day. I was guilt-ridden, a throwback of the guilt I felt whenever I missed classes when I was still in school--rarely was I absent then, but I spent the day sleeping, reading, and drinking fluids. Yesterday, my flu was at it's worse but I dragged my ass off to work. My co-worker took one look at and her exact words were "What the heck are you doing here? Look at you!" I gave a faint smile and said reassured her that I'll be okay. Fifteen minutes later I knew I made a mistake going to work. I was so congested and I got dizzy whenever I stood up. I cannot pull off the tough, sarcastic teacher I've been fronting lately (it seems tough and sarcastic works best for high schoolers rather than the sweet forgiving kindergarten teacher persona I had acquired during student teaching).

Anyway, long story short I drove back home and I'm going back to school on Monday. I also just discovered the wonder of "sick days." I mean, I knew they exist but I never took advantage of it because I rarely get sick and I'm still have the 4.0 student mentality of "I must never miss class or else I will miss important information that will be on the test" that my parents drilled into my skull only now it's translated into work.

Of course being sick sucks (so be careful what you wish for!) but I like not having to go to work anyway. I wish Monday isn't only two days away.

Men Crying

2010-01-13T19:13:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone is having an especially great New Year!!

So, my dad was watching a Filipino game show called Wowowee--this crazy-popular show in the Philippines and if you Wikipedia it, you can learn all about it. The host almost always ask the contestants to tell their life's story because almost all their contestants are people from very low economic backgrounds. I feel that the show exploits poor people and I absolutely hate watching it but I'm not going to get into that... Anyway, one of the male contestants was telling his life's story and he was crying--literally tears falling down his cheeks--and this wasn't some young kid but probably around his early 30s. Crying is not some unusual in the show, practically all the contestants cry and even the audience cry sometimes because the stories people tell were so sad--the only ones who don't cry are the hosts (I feel like they're actually secretly laughing at the people sometimes but that's just me).

Okay, so this post is about men (NOT women) crying and rarely do I see that in US television. Not many men cry in US television shows (whether on talkshows, gameshows, etc.) or in movies--unless they are trying to be funny and are crying crocodile tears. Compared to Asian television, like in Korean dramas, where men cry all the time...

Just an observation. But why is that? Are Asian men more sensitive? Is crying only for the weak and unmanly? Do you think it's weak and unmanly for a man to cry?

My Blog and New Years Resolutions... Or Not!!

2009-12-29T12:53:00.000-08:00

I've been really lazy about blogging lately. I don't know why. Thoughts of just giving it up did cross my mind a few times but I like having a blog. I do. It's just that blogging regularly is becoming an "I have to" rather that "I want to"... so I've decided to blog whenever I want to and write for myself, not for an audience. This blog is my journal of sorts and I should not feel burdened by it. From now on, I'm only going to blog when I feel like it. Posts might be weeks or even months in between and I'm sorry if any readers are still reading this blog--thank you for still following me and if you want to un-follow after reading this I won't be [maybe a little] sad. Even though I'm not much of a commenter, know that I am still reading the blogs I follow (because nosy person that I am love reading about your lives and what's been going on) and will continue to follow other blogs that interests me.

Anyway, on to the whole New Years Resolutions thing because with the year ending it's what people do: make lists of things to do to better themselves or goals for the upcoming year and I do it too for the last few years. I list down the usual stuff: lose weight, read more, be more confident in myself, drink more water etc. However, after a few weeks I forget all about it. Life gets crazy again and I forget about reading or not eating that extra piece of cake. So this year I'm not going to make resolutions because knowing myself they won't mean a thing to me after a few weeks. I'll just try my hardest everyday to be a better, healthier, more confident person person anyway.

Have a safe and happy New Year everyone!!

Work, Harry, Whining

2009-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

I'm really sorry haven't blogged for a while. I've been really lazy to write and there's nothing really going on with my life that's worth writing about. Well, there's another job change but that's getting redundant. But an update anyway:

I'm still in the same school and I'm still an educational assistant but now they gave me my own classroom. They've put me with a girl who has been home schooled all her life but whoever was teaching her didn't do a good job because she's still at kindergarten/first grade level and she's high school age. My supervisor put me as her one-on-one teacher because of my elementary education degree. I'm supposed to get her up to fifth grade level by the end of the year, which I believe is doable--she has the capacity to learn and we believe that she's catch up quickly enough but this being a special SPED case there are problems, although not with the girl herself.

I'm watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince right now. I had my dad buy the DVD on his way home from work the day it came out. I love the Harry Potter series and I was very eager to watch this movie. I didn't watch it when it was in the theater because I refuse to buy a movie ticket for $10 no matter how awesome the movie may be. My friends and I avoid the movie for this reason and we wait until the movie is either in the dollar theater or is on DVD. Anyway, Half-Blood Prince is a good movie (not as good as Prisoner of Azkaban, the most well-made movie of the bunch) even though it got a little Lord of the Rings that one scene in the end with Dumbledore and Harry when they were in the cave. However, none of the movies compare to the books. No movie I've seen ever compared to their book counterpart.

Anyway, I can't wait until winter break. Two and a half weeks of relaxation. I know I shouldn't be looking forward to it because winter break means two and a half weeks of no pay, but the downside of my new job assignment is now I have to plan lessons. Planning lessons for one student for the whole school day is not easy. Regular high school teachers only have to plan for an hour (maybe two if they have a different grade level) because the students switch off every period but I have to plan for five hours. I know it's no different from an elementary teacher because they have their students all day but I shouldn't have to work so hard, you know? Being an only an educational assistant, I shouldn't have to work so hard--none of the other EAs have to plan lessons...

Sorry, I'm whining.

I'll have a playlist up sometime this weekend as I haven't done one in a while. Have a great weekend everyone!

Thanksgiving Weekend

2009-11-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

One more day till a four-day Thanksgiving weekend! I can't wait to just relax with the family and do some Black Friday Shopping. For the last four years, it's been a "tradition" in my family to get up at five in the morning and hit the mall to get the best deals from all the black Friday sales. I finally get to join in on this tradition now that I am back at home. My mom and siblings are crazy about Black Friday. I'm not. I love to shop but I like take my time and browse. I also hate getting up early for any reason.

Something happened yesterday that stuck with me and made me think. I was hanging out with a teacher I assist after school and girl came in. She's a high school sophomore and I guess she often stops by to just chat with the teacher. She looked at me and asked what grade I was in, then proceeded to guess--freshman? sophomore? senior? I finally answered "teacher" and she was very surprised. We had a good laugh and the teacher said I should take it as a compliment and some days I do but other times I wish I looked older so that the students will see me more as a teacher figure...

Anyway, that's not what got me in a pensive mood. We got to talking about college and the girl said her parents told her that she can't go to college. After she graduates, she has find a job and help out her parents take care of her younger siblings. I was shocked then I felt sorry for the girl. Never before had I come across someone who was told they can't go to college. It's always been a choice: other people choose not to go and others worked their butt off paying their way through college--but there's always a choice. Well, not so much a choice in my family, it's expected. It appears it goes the other way too.

Apparently, her parents can't help her pay for school and I said she can try and get scholarships or take out loans or at least take classes at the local community college. But she said her parents said a flat, solid no. I don't know if she really wants to go to college herself, but she should at least have a choice.

I don't get parents like these. They closed a big door for their daughter. I hope they change their mind later on or that she'll fight for whatever she wants to do after high school whether it's college or something else.

Playlist #6: Songs from Boys Before Flowers (Japanese & Korean)

2009-11-17T00:42:00.000-08:00

These are song from the Boys Before Flowers drama. The first two songs are from the Japanese version of the drama. No, I don't understand the lyrics (except for the English parts) but I love both of these songs anyway. The last two are from the Korean version. I really love "Fight the Bad Feeling" and is on repeat in my ipod right now. Again, I don't understand the lyrics but they always played these songs on romantic scenes so they must be saying something nice.

Asian Dramas

2009-11-16T23:31:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged for a while and here's why:

Image from Stareastasia Entertainment News

For the last few weeks, I have been watching Boys Before Flowers the South Korean version. This particular drama was very closely based on the original Japanese Hana Yori Dango (which translates to "boys before/over flowers") but with better looking guys in my opinion. This drama has all the cliche romantic story plot coming at you one after the other: a poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks catching the attention of an arrogant boy who made her life miserable at first but they eventually fall in love, an evil parent doing everything in her power to keep the couple apart, the boy getting a fiance, amnesia... and with all those conflict it ended in an abrupt, rushed way that I didn't like. Nevertheless, it was very addicting and I watched all 25 episodes one after the other on Youtube (as I'm wont to do when watching Korean dramas) and this kept me from blogging this whole entire time.

This drama was my first after a year long hiatus. I often procrastinated in college by watching dramas online, but dramas like these can get old after a while. I vowed then that I am never going to watch another one--I've had enough of the sappy plots that became repetitive and trite. Yet here I am, so I guess a year is long enough to renew my interest. Now, I am watching another Korean drama, Shining Inheritance. This one is a Cinderella kind of story about a girl with a very evil stepmother and a semi-evil stepsister...

Image from Korean Drama

The recession is supposed to be over but...

2009-11-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

I've been lurking in the blogging world, reading blogs and such, but I haven't been commenting like I used to nor I have been posting on my blog. I haven't been that inspired to blog lately because it seems like everything I have to say is something not-so-happy.

But that is just what I am going to do: write about something about something not-so-happy...

The worst of the recession is supposed to be over, but it's at this time that my family is actually feeling it. Last Tuesday the company my dad has worked at for the past thirteen years finally went bankrupt. It gathered its employees and announced that they are closing their doors after December 2009. That means my dad still has a job for a month and then he'll have to find another one. I'm confident that he'll find something else, but still I worry. My mom worries. I think my siblings are too young to really see how this will impact our family but I think they're worried too.

Then, selfish person that I am, I can't help but think that my dream of going back to grad school in the near future is not going to happen in the near future. I hate myself for thinking this but there it is. As an added hit, they're reducing my hours at work again and they keep switching me to doing different tasks. It's very frustrating and annoying and I don't know what to do. I am completely lost.

Another Fail

2009-11-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I went to the DMV to try and get my driver's license again. It was my second time attempting to do so and it's another fail! I wasn't as devastated the first time, but I was still very sad. If there is one thing I try to avoid, it's failure and I'm a failure at driving.

You'd think that after I took a driver's ed class and my parents bought me a car I'd be more motivated to drive. But no. In that I was very different from my friends in high school whose greatest wish was to get their driver's license and save up enough money to buy a car. I was happy taking the bus to school, okay with my dad dropping me off to the drama club play practice, and I didn't mind having to catch a ride with a friend when we go out. I just didn't see driving as necessary for myself. My parents were always pushing me to learn to drive (hence the car) because no else in my family drove except for my dad. That was when I half-heartedly got a learners permit and took the driver's ed class. After that I kept putting off actually taking the test and just kept renewing my permit many times. I knew I was going to fail the actual driving test (the DMV in town is notorious for having extremely nit-picky examiners and only a very small percentage of people actually pass on their first try) so I didn't even try. Then, college happened and I avoided driving for four years.

As soon as I graduated and moved back home, my parents were at my back again pushing me to get my act together and get my license. Of course, once I had my job (I'm back to working six hours again!) I had to drive to work and I am--albeit illegally--out of necessity. Then, someone backed into my car and left a dent and I couldn't very well file a complaint because I'm not supposed to be driving at all since I don't have a license. I figured I can't avoid it forever so I finally did the thing I was avoiding for so long--actually taking the driver's test. I was very nervous and pretty much fumbled it about ten minutes in.

I gave myself a month before I tried it again. I was with a different examiner and I wasn't as nervous and I thought I was doing okay. I was following the speed limit, I made sure to watch my mirrors, gave signals when I was supposed to, etc. Then, before I knew it he made me turn around. I had failed and he gave me a long list as to why I did. I thought all his reasons were silly of course. But yes, another failure...

Playlist of the Week #5: Songs from Fox's Glee

2009-10-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

One of the shows I've been watching religiously is Glee. I fell in love with the show's music, the drama and its quirky characters. I thought the show's concept was brilliant and I couldn't wait until the fall when they'd air more episodes. Lately, though, it's been losing its charm but I still love it anyway (and would be totally devastated if it was cancelled).

Obsessions

2009-10-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have always been obsessed about buying books. They mostly just pile up on my shelves because I don't always find the time to read them, but I get such joy in browsing around book stores or online and discovering a book I really want to read. Then before you know it I'm at the cash register with my armful of books or I'm punching in my credit card number. It's the same story with makeup. I love going to drugstores and department stores and stumbling upon a perfect lip gloss or eye shadow. Both of these obsessions aren't new. I've already blogged about them here and here.

Today, I am going to talk about my mom's obsession. Ever since my family moved out of the place we were renting and got our own place two years ago, my mom started planting. I didn't even know she had a "green thumb" until two years ago when she surprised the whole family by going to the hardware store and bought a bunch of potted plants. Since then she'd filled the little backyard we have with plants and had gone to plant shows and fairs. I asked her about this sudden change because the old place we were at had a bigger back yard (albeit we had to share it with the owner) and the landlady was a gardener herself; she could've started a little garden then. She said it wouldn't be hers and would eventually have to leave it. She told me how she used to have a vegetable garden back in the Philippines when she was my age and would sell whatever she'd harvest for extra cash.

I didn't know this about her and while I don't share her enthusiasm for gardening, I am very happy she finally have a hobby and is not focused on work all the time. She's very proud of her garden too, and is convinced she has found a way to make orchids flower year 'round. According to my friend who was in botany, most only produce flowers every few months and some only once or twice a year. So, either my mom was really lucky in her orchid selections and somehow bought ones that flower all the time or her secret (a secret she guards close to her heart) way does work. All I know is her all her orchids always have flowers on them and they are the envy of her friends. Here are some of my favorites:

That last picture above is an orchid seed pod (who knew orchids produce seeds?). My mom is trying to figure out how to cultivate it. My botanist friend said it's really hard and she needs special equipment to do so. Something about a hydroponic systems if I heard correctly? My mom is not giving up. Any one knowledgeable about plants have any suggestions?

Being Lazy

2009-10-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

No playlist this week because I've been feeling really lazy. You'd think that after my work hours was cut from six to only four hours, I'd have more time to devote to blogging or reading or watching TV... the mundane stuff I usually do when I have some free time. However, all I seem to want to do now is nap and nap some more. I don't know what I'm feeling lately... just that I've been having this overwhelming worry that I won't save enough money to go to grad school (or move out of my parents' house) in two years--my time limit to save as much money as I can and then I'm outta here. But with no other part-time job prospects that goal is becoming more unreachable these days.

Anyway, I've decided to post a playlist every other week instead of every week because I don't want my blog to be filled with playlists and I don't write a lot of regular paragraph post often.

To make this post not completely senseless, I'm going to post another "Only in a Woman's World" webisode because I love these things and they always fun to watch:

Waiver Day and Job Changes

2009-10-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

Today is Waiver Day and that means the students gets a day off but the staff still goes to school. I went because all my paperwork were finally processed and I just made permanent today whereas before I was just a "substitute" (if you're a sub you don't go to work during waiver days). I should be happy about my new work status but I'm not. Now, I only work 4 hours instead of the 6 full hours. My contract is half-time permanent meaning I have to look for another job if I want to have money put in the bank. And I definitely do in order to go to grad school in two years.

Work today was just a meeting but it was very eye opening and brought home the fact that big changes need to be made in the way teachers must teach in order to meet the standards of No Child Left Behind in the limited amount of time the teachers have with their students.

There are big things happening in public education here in Hawaii. The public school teachers had voted about 2 weeks ago and they agreed to 17 furlough days every school year for the next 2 years--meaning the all the public schools in Hawaii will shut down for 17 Fridays this school year beginning next week. This compromise was necessary to makeup for the state's budget shortfall and it's the lesser evil between all the other options. There are concerns about the 7.9% loss in wages for all school employees (no teachers = no students = no work for the rest of the school's staff) but most are more worried about the loss of time spent with students.

My younger siblings were happy to hear the news of course because it meant three-day weekends for almost the rest of the school year. Little do they know... I think ultimately the children are going to suffer because their education is being taken away from them--you can't get back 17 days of learning.

Playlist of the Week #4: Again!

2009-10-12T02:18:00.000-07:00

These songs were past favorites. At some point a song was on repeat in my ipod until I got tired of listening to it and I found a new favorite.

What song is your favorite right now?

Fall Break

2009-10-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

This is Fall Break week--one week of no school for students which means no work for me and no pay. But it also mean a week of laziness, relaxation, and absolutely nothing. I just got back from the beach:

Baldwin Beach

I'm not a big beach-goer so I only go maybe once or twice every few months. I don't go to the beach often because I hate how beach sand gets every where and I'll have to clean it up. I also get really tanned from the sun after and I don't like that. Also, (and I'm very embarrassed to admit this) I can't swim. I learned how to float on the water on my back and front but for the life of me I can't seem to move more than a few feet no matter how hard I kick my legs and do that swimmy thing with my arms. Oh well.

Here are pictures from the annual Maui county fair as well. The fair is always a big event here, and it's the three nights in the year where all the people of Maui get together at one place.

Playlist of the Week #3

2009-10-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

Rap is not my favorite music genre because most of the the songs are very explicit. But once in a while a song comes out or I discover an "oldie" that I really like and says something more than the usual highly pornographic, X-rated, drug-filled drivel they come up with.

Tagged: Innocent or Guilty?

2009-10-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

Jules 0f Julie's Jottings tagged me for this so I'm joining in on the fun! Thanks for the tag Jules!

Here are the rules:
1. You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
2. You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
3. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete mine and type in your answers and tag your friends to answer this.

Have you:
Asked someone to marry you? Innocent

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent

Ever told a lie? Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty

Kissed a picture? Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty

Held a snake? Innocent

Been suspended from school? Innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent

Stolen from a store? Guilty

Been fired from a job? Innocent

Done something you regret? Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent

Kissed in the rain? Innocent

Sat on a roof top? Guilty

Kissed someone you shouldn't? Innocent

Sang in the shower? Guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent

Shaved your head? Innocent

Had a boxing membership? Innocent

Made a girlfriend cry? Guilty

Been in a band? Innocent

Shot a gun? Innocent

Donated Blood? Innocent

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent

Eaten cheesecake? Guilty

Still love someone you shouldn't? Guilty

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty

Been too honest? Guilty

Ruined a surprise? Guilty

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent

Joined a pageant? Innocent

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty

Had communication with your ex? Innocent

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty

I'm tagging...

Renee of Renee's World

Amanda of 'Manda Blogs About

Tara of The Life of a Newly Wife

and anyone else who wants to do it :)

Tsunami Watch and Paranoia

2009-09-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

This morning American Samoa experienced an earthquake with a magnitude of 8.0 and a tsunami warning was issued for the state of Hawaii (as well as other nearby coasts). I heard all this at work, and I spent pretty much the whole day worried that a big wave was going to destroy my house. Being that the harbor is a two-minute drive away, I had cause for worrying. If a tsunami was going to hit Maui, the first wave was supposed to come after one o'clock this afternoon. When two o'clock hit and no waves came (and the warnings were canceled), I gave a big sigh of relief. However, there is a sort of ominous feeling tonight because it's really windy and a bit cold.

Or maybe I'm just paranoid. I get easily paranoid about little things. For example, whenever I take the trash out at night and I see a shadow at the corner of my eye I immediately think serial killer. If my parents are even late five minutes from the time they say they'd be home, I have to call them to make sure they are not in some kind of accident. The first year I was away for my freshman year in college was especially hard because I would constantly worry about my family. I felt that something bad would happen to them if I wasn't there with them--like they'd be less safe if I wasn't around.

In other news, I can't wait for this weekend because it's county fair weekend. It's been four years since the last time I've gone as I've always been away in school. I'm especially excited to go on Friday with the students in my SPED class--the fair is going to be open during the day so that school children with special needs can go without all the crowd. My friend and I are planning to go on Saturday night, so I finally have a weekend to look forward to.

Michelle's Playlists of the Week #2

2009-09-28T02:50:00.000-07:00

I love to listen to these songs at the end of a crazy work day. I'll turn them on low and just lay on my bed--usually I end up falling asleep. I also love these songs early in the morning in the weekends when I can just sit, chill and savor my coffee.

Separated At Birth?

2009-09-23T22:38:00.001-07:00

I've been watching a lot of TV lately, and my newest favorite show is Fox's Glee. I also used to watch CW's Gossip Girl, but I stopped after the second season because The CW was no longer available on regular cable TV. You have to have digital cable to get The CW here in Hawaii. While we do have digital at home, it's only set up for the TV in our living room and my parents pretty much claimed that one to watch their Filipino variety shows.

Anyway, I was watching preview clips of Glee today (in anticipation of the new episode tonight) and one of the stars of Glee put me in mind of that guy in Gossip Girl. I googled his picture and then hers and clicked back and forth. They really look alike! Lea Michele is like the girl version of Penn Badgley and vice versa.

It's not just me, right?

Lea Michelle Image from here
Penn Badgley Image from here

Michelle's Playlist of the Week

2009-09-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

These are the songs I play (at present) when I am cooking or doing chores at home and sing along to. Chores are a lot more fun with music!

Also, I've been browsing around different blogs lately and some have a topic they always do every Thursday (like Cheap Therapy's "Travel Abroad Thursday") so I am going to try a "post of the week" thing too. I don't want to write though, so I'm going to be posting different playlists every Mondays or Tuesdays (because I love making music compilations).

I received a blog award!

2009-09-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

My very first blog award given by the awesome Jules of Julie's Jottings. Thank you Jules! I'm very honored and it made my day! I've always had an affinity with her because I feel like we're going through many of the same things right now (from what I read on her blog). Check out her blog!

Rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might not know.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

7 things about me that people might not know:

1. I was in a sorority in college.

2. I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled out. It has been replaced by a false gold one and I've had it since the seventh grade.

3. I was born in the Philippines and lived there for the first nine years of my life.

4. I don't have a driver's license and I've been driving illegally to work out of necessity.

5. My favorite cartoon show of all time is Marc Brown's Arthur on PBS. I still watch it quite frequently.

6. My first real job (and hardest) ever was for the Maui Pineapple Company. I was out in the dusty field under the hot sun for eight hours, five days a week for minimum wage picking pineapples. I don't know why I did it for 2 consecutive summers, but everything I've done since then wasn't nearly as hard.

7. I sing in the shower.

And here is where I break the award rules (I'm sorry!). I realize just now that I can't nominate seven bloggers because I don't read that many blogs regularly. The ones I do follow & read already have this award and it wouldn't be fair to give it to them again. I think the purpose of this is for readers of one blog discover new blogs nominated through this award. While I'm writing this post, I have another window open to 20sb to look for new reading materials. For now, I'm not going to nominate (I hope that's okay?) anyone now but I will soon.

Thanks again Jules!

Cliques

2009-09-19T02:54:00.000-07:00

This is going to sound very middle school and very immature but here it goes...

Tonight a friend of my parents' invited me to her daughter's party. I didn't want to go because I know I'm going to end up sitting in a corner by myself nursing my plate of food and smiling vacantly at whoever passes by my chair.

The daughter belongs to a group of friends that grew up together and are very close. I am not part of this large clique even if I've known pretty much all of them for years and years. I don't think I've even spoken to any of them for longer than three seconds. Even if I did want to "make friends" with them (which I don't), I can't. The only way one can be a part of this clique is to either be going out with one of them or if you're related to them. I told my parents no I'm not going. I'll just give her her present when I see her next and make my excuses. My parents got mad. They said I'm not friendly and that I should just go up to their group and start making conversation. My parents are close friends with her parents why can't I be friends with her? Blah, blah, blah.

I know it's my parents' greatest wish for me to be part of that group. But they just don't understand the whole clique thing. It's impossible, in a way I cannot explain, to penetrate that invisible shield that stands between myself and their group.

Oh gosh, I loathe myself for sounding so immature... Am I making a big deal out of this? I don't have to be friends with them to go to this party... I could just go for an hour then leave. I am always a victim of Murphy's Law so it might turn out better than what I am imagining will happen. I can take one hour of discomfort, of awkwardness, feeling very much an outsider.

"If You Think You Are Unhappy"

2009-09-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

We were cleaning the classroom the other day, and one of the EAs found this story posted in one of the old cabinets. It made me laugh after I read it, so I thought I'd share it with you and maybe you'll have a chuckle too.

"If You Think You Are Unhappy"

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming

sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he

reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice

began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in

a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and

crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought

it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and

defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to

breathe he started to sing. Just then a

large cat came by and hearing the chirping,

investigated the sounds.

The cat cleared away the manure, found the

chirping bird and promptly ate him.

**The moral of the story**

1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.

2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.

3. And if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

Free Shipping Offers are EVIL

2009-09-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

Those free shipping offers always gets me. I would go on the Sephora website with the intention of buying just this $34 eye shadow palette I saw on a magazine, when I see these flashing words: "FREE SHIPPING over $50."

Thought: If I buy something that is about $16.01 I don't have to pay for shipping!

I then scramble to find that $16.01 something on the website, and of course I don't. What I find instead is a $25 blush or two pretty nail polishes that costs $9 each. The more I stare at my computer going back and forth between the two, trying to decide which ones I am going to buy with my eye shadow palette, the more I want to buy BOTH. My conscience says no, Michelle, you are broke and still need to pay for such and such bills. I give a resigned sigh, but then happen glance on the upper left hand side of the website again and these words flash: "FREE RETURNS with every order."

Thought: I will buy both the blush and the nail polish, get that free shipping and see if I like them (which I'm sure I wont because impulse buys are always bad) and return whatever I don't like for free!

I end up spending more that I planned on. When the orders do come, I also end up being either too lazy or too in love with the products to return them. This whole episode I just described did not actually occur, but it is based on too many circumstances where I was the victim of "free shipping" offers. To tell the truth, it's the word "free" makes me a little crazy. To me, no matter how lame, free stuff is always good stuff.

Labor Day Shopping Haul

2009-09-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

I went to the mall yesterday even though I was broke, but I went to mostly hangout with my friends after weeks of just straight working and staying home during the weekends. Of course, as I am wont to do if I am in a mall, I buy things even though I know it's not smart. However, I did limit myself to $40 (including lunch). Before hand, I did plan to buy necklaces to dress up a few plain shirts I bought online a while ago. I got a gold one and a silver one from Forever 21, both around five dollars.

When we stopped by at Macy's, I went to the Mac counter and tried on this pretty neutral lipstick and I saw that they had a sample of the Naked Honey Skin Salve out. A bunch of people were raving about the salve on YouTube, about how it's a multi-purpose balm that can work for your nails, dry skin all over your body, lips, and maybe even possibly hair. I really wanted to get it (as well as the Clinique Emergency Gel-Lotion that I have as a sample at home), but I stopped myself. After that, we went to American Eagle Outfitters and I bought this shirt.

It was only six bucks fifty, so I thought that was pretty good considering that the original price was twenty-four fifty. I've noticed when I was rearranging my drawers the other day that about 75% of my clothes are from American Eagle (AE). I really like their clothes because they fit me, they're simple, easy to wear and comfortable. They also have pretty good sales at the store, which I really like and always take advantage of. I really like Forever 21's clothes as well, but I can hardly seem to find ones that fit me in the way AE clothes do. Forever 21 clothes are also not that durable, as after a few washes they pretty much fall apart and while AE clothes are not that durable too, they retain their shape a lot longer.

When we tired of the mall, we went to this new frozen yogurt place on Maui called Tutti Frutti. I wasn't really impressed. They only had about ten flavors and not a very good selection of toppings, so I only spent about three dollars there. Then, we went to Ross (which is like a Marshall's but not as good). That is one store everyone I know seem to find great deals, but not me. More often than not go in there and leave disappointed without buying anything. Yesterday was a good day though, because I found this pretty short sleeved cardigan, which is what I need because I can't wear long sleeved ones in the very hot and muggy weather we've been having lately but I still don't want to show too much skin if I want to wear a tank top like the one I purchased in AE. Sadly, I couldn't afford it. I will go back later and hopefully it's still there and the price will be lower. I did buy a french manicure kit for three bucks. I did try it out as soon as I got home but it didn't really work out. I will try again later.

At the end of the day, I had ten dollars left from the forty I started with. I was pretty proud of myself and a good Labor Day overall.

Only in a Woman's World: Funny Stuff

2009-09-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

I love watching these "Only in a Woman's World" webisodes for a quick laugh and they are also so relate-able. They are made by Baked! LAYS, FLAT EARTH and SMARTFOOD Snacks. Episode 2 is one of my favorites (because it's too true! LOL) and I thought I'd post it on here since I don't really have anything to blog about this weekend.

If the video I posted is not working, here's a link to watch it on the Youtube website (here's also the link for the actual "Only in a Woman's World" website). Have a great Sunday everyone!

Acne Woes

2009-09-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

My face is so frustrating. My acne is coming back and they're coming back with a vengeance attacking my chin area and two days ago there was one on my cheek. I currently use the Clinique Acne Solutions 3-step system and it was working. I was getting less and less new pimples popping up in the last month. Since I started getting into makeup, I've noticed that the darn things are rearing their ugly heads again tormenting me. Is it the makeup? I hope not because I really like experimenting with and wearing them (especially my Mac ones). I feel really pretty when I use makeup, and I rarely felt pretty before. I guess I'll have to stop for a while to see what my face does.

As for nail polish, I'm getting better putting it on. My hands are not nearly as shaky as before. I even wore the black nail polish to work today. It didn't look that good up close, but far away it was passable. I found that if I put on clear polish before painting on the black, there won't be as much staining after I removed it. However, I think I need to invest on better nail polish because the 99 cent Wet 'n Wild ones chips pretty much after a few hours of wearing them.

I am so happy that a three day weekend is coming up. I've been really tired with working everyday. I guess I'm not used to it. Since I started at the high school I've been working as a "substitute" but I received my application in the mail today to make me a "permanent." I'm sad because that means I'll only be working for only 4 hours instead of the 6 hours I work as a sub. With my online shopping habits and my plan to save up for grad school... this means that I am on the hunt for a part-time job again because I can't possibly achieve all that on a 4-hour salary.

Working with SPED Students

2009-08-30T23:07:00.001-07:00

Last week Wednesday was my first day working at my new job at the high school. I went to there excited but nervous as well--I'm going back to high school. The school I am working in now is not the high school I went to, but while my high school experience was uneventful at best, it's not a place I want to go back to.

I was also nervous partly because I knew nothing about what I am to do in the four hours I was there. The principal called me on Tuesday and left a message that said to come to work the next day if I can or want to. I called him back and I got his machine. So, I went without knowing anything about my duties, my start and end time, my salary (although I had a vague idea), or where I was supposed to park my car.

The people there were unprepared for me as well, and was very surprised that they have a new EA (educational assistant). Nonetheless, they were very nice and welcoming and that made me feel better. They put me in a SPED (special education) classroom which contains five of the more needier students. I was a little wary at first because I had never worked with SPED students at a one-on-one level.

We were only required to take one SPED class while I was in college, and I learned very basic stuff like ethics, what to expect at a IEP meeting, how to rearrange your classroom to make it SPED-friendly, etc. I didn't really think much about it then because SPED hardly affected me when I was in the classroom for student teaching. There was always one or two students with special needs but they always had their aide with them and they were gone after first period.

It was very much a learning experience for me on my first day of work as there were violent outburst, diaper changing, feeding, running after a student, etc. However, after that first day I learned a lot and I was more aware of what goes on behind that screened door that is a SPED classroom. The students I was working with were all so very sweet and surprisingly, I really like working with them. I was working the full six hours in the three days I was in school as they try to work out a schedule for me, but I was told I'll eventually be put in a regular classroom helping a teacher out in the four hours I am working. I'll be very sad to go.

I Heart SPAM

2009-08-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

I love Spam. I eat it at least once every week (and this might be why I am having breakouts again but that's besides the point) and it was my staple back in college. Some non-Hawaii-living people might be thinking gross and a million times GROSS! Who would eat nasty, fatty, sodium infused gelatinous canned animal parts?

I do! I love its salty-sweet goodness and apparently so do a lot of people. I thought Spam is only popular in Hawaii. Yes, many fast food chains here do serve it for breakfast and Spam musubi is the number one Hawaiian snack: you have not fully experienced the islands until you have taken at least a bite of musubi. According to this article from Mental Floss, it has a huge following around the world--it's so popular that a Spam recipe was featured in Good Housekeeping and an emperor once toured the Spam plant.

And you know, I think the whole "people in the mainland do not eat Spam" thing is a myth because my friends and I made Spam musubis for a pot luck when we were there and everyone loved them. Almost everyone came back for seconds and one of the girls even snuck some into her bag. Others were upset because there wasn't any left for them.

Moral of the post: You have to try it before you hate it.

Spam Musubi (Image from AsianWeek)

Black Nail Polish

2009-08-26T01:23:00.000-07:00

In the last few days, after watching a bunch of nail polish videos on YouTube, I began to experiment with painting my nails. Before then, I didn't like wearing nail polish because they always made my nails feel funny--they felt tight and heavy. Also, I have the most unsteady hands so putting them on was a pain in the butt and they always turn out messy and uneven. So I never bothered with them.

But I was inspired by the videos on YouTube (which is the website I visit most frequently now that I am into makeup). My mom has a few, so I started with a clear polish. You couldn't really see that it was uneven and I really liked how my nails looked all shiny, so I went to bed with it and the next day it didn't feel as uncomfortable anymore. Like my nails got used to the polish.

So, I decided to change it up and put on a light purple polish. It looked really pretty as well. I went to Longs Drugs today and I saw that Wet 'n Wild nail polishes are only 99 cents. I bought two: a pink and a black one. To me, black nail polish is really "edgy" and "rock star." When I got home, I eagerly put on the black one. BIG MISTAKE. With my unsteady hands they looked really ugly and uneven and most of the polish ended up on the skin around my nails. I decided to take the polish off. Black nail polish is not for me. At least until I get more practice putting it on.

Now, I am left with really dirty looking fingers. Like I played in the mud all day and had stained my nails. I have black nail polish under my nails and in the skin crevices and it left this gray residue on my nails as well. No matter how much I scrubbed with a nail polish remover saturated cotton ball, it wouldn't come out. I don't know if it was the nail polish or the nail polish remover's fault, but my nails are really gross-looking right now.

Tomorrow is my first day at my new high school job. I hope they won't judge me by my really ugly, dirty nails.

25 Random Things About Michelle

2009-08-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

There was this "25 Random Things" tag going around on Facebook a few months back. I did it then so I decided to post it up here (with some updates) because nothing is really going on in my life (well, there are but I want to sort through them first and write about them later as I don't want to jinx anything) and I don't know what to blog about. So, number 1...

I'm named after the Beatles song "Michelle." This song is my least favorite Beatles song.

2. I'm the oldest of 4 children. My youngest sister is six years old. Sometimes I'm mistaken for her mother.

3. I know how to crochet.

4. I was in a sorority in college.

5. I love Coach and Dooney & Burke.

6. I was very active in TIMSA (Travel Industry Management Student Association) in college. I have never taken a business class. I was majoring in education, but I never ever did anything for CESA (College of Education Student Association).

7. I was finally the off the island this summer for my first trip ever to the mainland. I visited DC, PA, NY, and NJ.

8. I hate vanilla ice cream unless it's topped/mixed with something else.

9. I had a beta fish in college. I would only change its water once a month and often forget to feed it for a few days yet it lived for two years until I graduated! I couldn't take it back with me to Maui so I had to let it go in the koi pond.

10. I'm into musicals lately. My absolute favorite songs are from Wicked and Avenue Q (I saw the play in Broadway!).

11. I don't have a drivers license. I hate driving and never really needed to when I lived on Oahu. Now, out of necessity, I illegally drive to work.

12. I get sloshed really quickly. Not even one glass and I'm gone. Very strange and very inconvenient for my friends who has to babysit me.

13. I used to straighten my hair everyday even though I know it's gonna go wavy after a few hours. Now, I just let it go and simply just put hairspray and a glossing spray. It's made my life easier and I quite like its wavy-ness. The wavy look is all the rage right now and other people try to make their hair have that messy, wavy look, but mine does it naturally. Yay!

14. To save money, my mom insist on hanging our laundry outside to dry in the sun. Sometimes when she's at work, I secretly use the dryer for my clothes.

15. Teachers are not supposed to have favorites, but I always had a few whenever I work in a classroom for an extended period of time and get to know the children.

16. I can't swim. You know how some people who "can't swim" can swim a few inches in the water anyway? I can't even do that.

17. I hate pencils that you have to sharpen. I think mechanical pencils are the greatest.

18. I spend a lot of time online filling up my "cart" but not actually buying anything. It's like window shopping without leaving my house. Saves gas.

19. I'd rather go book shopping than clothes shopping. My favorite store is Borders.

20. I love getting Borders gift cards. They're like the best gifts ever.

21. I have a book buying addiction. I just keep buying books even though I'm broke and I'm not reading as much as I used to. Those Borders coupon things I get in my email every few weeks are not helping. I just ordered 6 more books on Borders.com last week. Help!

22. I feel naked without my necklace on.

23. This 25 random things thing is taking longer for me to do than expected. I can't think of anymore random things.

24. Ummm... I think orange flavored things are icky: orange soda, orange starburst, orange sorbet, etc. The only orange flavored foods I can eat/drink are oranges (the fruit), orange flavored chicken, and orange juice.

25. I also hate lemon pies, vienna sausages (the smell makes me gag), peanut butter, lint, products that don't deliver their promises, hair spray that leaves that white residue when it dries, people who think they are entitled to cut in line just because they saw their friend, beach sand on the carpet, editing my writing, etc., etc.

Shopping Day

2009-08-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

Today is Statehood Day (50 years ago Hawaii became part of the United States) and that means no work! I went shopping with my mom and she bought me a shirt from Forever 21 and sandals for work from Famous Footwear. I bought my first Mac products from Macy's.

I researched and had planned to buy the Mac Studio Finish concealer thingy today but I got suckered into buying a "skinfinish" power as well.

First of all, I have just recently started to buy makeup and learn how to use them properly. In college I would just dust on blush, slick on some lip gloss and call myself ready to face the day. Then, this summer I got into watching makeup videos on Youtube and playing with makeup looked really fun, so I bought a bunch of drugstore makeup to experiment with. Anyway, before today, I have never owned or used a Mac product because they always seemed too expensive. However, I really needed a good concealer so I went on Youtube to do my research.

Today, I went to the Mac counter in Macy's and asked the sales girl to please help me find a concealer that will match my skin tone. She sat me down and put on the concealer. Then, she sprayed, buffed and patted on a few more products and said a bunch of makeup mumbo jumbo that I didn't really understand. She gave me a mirror, and I had to admit that the end result was really good. I was still adamant about just purchasing the concealer though. She said I at least need to buy the powder to set it because if I just have the concealer on by itself it would "slide off my face after a few hours." So I bought it because I am that easy. I am a sales person's dream--it doesn't take a lot to convince me to buy something.

A good day overall.

Life Update: New Job? Part 2

2009-08-17T17:18:00.001-07:00

Okay, so not a disaster, per se, because what happened next was a good thing to normal people...

But just when I was content with my job, I started to get phone calls from a bunch of other schools and also Bank of Hawaii asking for interviews. I turned them down, of course. My parents found out and they were not happy.

When a local high school called me to interview for an educational assistant permanent position, they made me go. But I figured I couldn't possibly get hired because I had no experience whatsoever dealing with high school students. The highest grade I ever taught was third grade. So I was safe. I went to that interview unprepared (I had a CD-R with my resume saved in it--who does that, right?). Before the interview the principal showed me a stack of interview forms and said I was the last person they were seeing. I smiled at him thinking you're wasting your time then because the person you want is in that pile.

During the interview, as he and his assistant asked me questions I emphasized my lack of experience. I told them I was bad at math and any subject that has math in it so I can't tutor anyone in those subjects. I said I believe that high school students are the same as kindergarten children. I also said a few more inane things. This is not an unusual occurrence when I am in an interview as I tend to blank out and sound very stupid when I am nervous. But I wasn't worried about sounding stupid then. As a matter of fact, I was very calm. Afterwards, I came out of the principal's office relieved and very sure I had failed it.

Twenty minutes later an unknown number called my cell phone. I didn't answer it because I never answer unknown number. Lo and behold, the high school principal left a message that said he had good news. I got the job! I was surprised. My first thought was how could I possibly have gotten the job. My second was I'm not taking it.

To make a long story short, my parents made me see the light. A permanent job was a good thing and it's not like I'll be teaching high school kids. I'm just going to be an assistant. What idiot would turn down a permanent job in favor of a part time job... blah, blah, blah.

I called back the principal about three hours after he left his message and accepted his offer. Yes, sadly it only takes my parents a few hours to convince me to see things their way (I'll explain why later). I then had to worry about breaking the news to the principal at my part time job. I only worked there for a week; how can I leave after a week? She was very congratulatory though when I told her the news and so were the rest of the staff. Now, I am savoring my last days there until they find my replacement.

Then, I'm off to the dreaded high school. I don't actually believe that high school kids are like kindergarten kids, so we'll see how I deal...

Life Update: New Job?

2009-08-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I was just about ready to give up with the whole job search thing. I haven't been getting any calls from the DOE (Department of Education) for a teaching position since I returned from my trip to the mainland. I also applied for a different sector in the DOE, but my application for educational assistant was taking forever to be processed. As the school year loomed closer, I was filled with dread wishing for my phone to ring with a call from a principal asking for a job interview. When school did start and no calls came, I gave up on a teaching career that I wasn't sure I really wanted in the first place. However, when you're living with your parents and they keep talking about how you just wasted your education and their money putting you through college... well, you gotta do what you don't want to do sometimes.

A week passed with me at home all day and panicking about my dwindling leftover trip money. A teaching job was a lost cause, but I figured can do other things even with my lack of experience. You see, I pretty much lived in a bubble while I was in school, with everything given to me. I did not work any jobs while in high school or college; everything was provided for me. My parents insisted I focus all my energy on school (which I did with no complaints). Now, I'm pretty much a baby experiencing "real-life" for the first time.

Anyway, that week I pretty much applied to all the places my parents deemed worthy for me, a college graduate, to apply in. By "worthy" they meant NO McDonalds, Burger King or any other fast food joints and no Walmart/Kmart kind of stores. They can be such snobs sometimes, but I avoided those places just the same (maybe I'm kind of a snob too). Instead, I applied in Macy's, Borders (my #1 favorite store) and Bank of Hawaii. Sadly, I never did hear from Borders and I apparently didn't have enough experience to be a Macy's sales associate. So, I was feeling very down and thinking very pitiful "no one wants me" thoughts.

Resigned to being unemployed, I was very surprised to get a phone call from a school. They wanted to know if I could go to the school right then for an interview. The interview lasted about five minutes, I was hired as a part time reading tutor, and I started the very next day after that phone call. I was so happy--practically floating on air! I have a job! My very first job! I felt very grown up and very adult.

I was back in school working with children again (I didn't know I'd miss it so much), and the staff I worked with were all very nice and friendly. I felt right at home at that school, reminiscent of the school I did my student teaching in. I worked my first full week just last week.

And then disaster struck...

Awkward Graduation Photos

2009-08-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

Last May I graduated college and except for the pictures taken on the day of the ceremony, I didn't have any "professionally" done photos. Well, there was that candid picture a photographer takes the moment the dean hands you your diploma case, but mine turned out really bad that I didn't show the online proof to anyone, especially my mom who will definitely insist I order a copy and I'll be stuck a picture I hate forever (and you can just bet she'll frame it and it will grace our living room for all to see).

Anyway, I was quite happy with the grad pictures I already have, but last week, out of the blue, my mom had a "mom moment." She had my brother (he graduated high school in June) and I gather and pack our grad caps and gowns and took us to a Sears studio. It was like school photo day all over again with a few more stiff poses than usual. For about an hour I had to do a bunch of silly poses by myself and then a bunch more with my brother directed by the photographer. A few of the poses were so awkward that my gown even ripped a little bit at one point. The only fun part of the afternoon was watching my brother struggle through it as well (man, I didn't realize he was really bad with directions!). But here are are my results in all its awkwardness.

I guess I have to forgive my mom. Apparently, two of your kids graduating around the same time (or graduating period) is a big accomplishment in Parent World.

Names: A Warning to Creative Parents

2009-08-14T00:47:00.001-07:00

As a student teacher and now a tutor, I've been noticing that parents nowadays name their kids really strange names (Chalyce, Princess, Peaches) or give their child a common name but it is spelled all "fancy" (i.e., Jehreh and Gefreh--my cousins' children's names and I cringe every time I have to write them). I know names like these are unique and unusual and being unique and unusual might be a good thing in some cases because it makes a person stand out from the ordinary, but believe me when I say unique and unusual names usually become "just plain weird."

You're probably thinking all the celebrities are doing it (Kal-El Coppola [Nicolas Cage], Sage Moonblood [Sylvester Stallone], Moxie Crimefighter [Penn Jilette?]) so it's the in thing. Well, most celebrities hire private tutors for their children so they won't suffer from all the questions, awkward compliments, and double takes (probably) until later. Parents, I know you think you're being very creative but do you really want that for your child? Imagine yourself having that name while growing up; would you have liked it? Do your child a favor and give them unique name (if you must) but not that unique.

Smart vs. Intelligent

2009-08-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

"You're so smart!" I got that a lot whenever I had really good grades in school and I hated it hearing it. To me getting good grades does not mean you're smart. It just means I was "smart" enough to turn in all my work in time, do all my homework, study for tests, do a lot of extra credit to make up for said tests that I did just average on, and never giving the teachers any trouble. Those five were all I needed to get an A in a class both in high school and college.

The whole "smart" thing? I really thought about it because I wanted to BE smart. I wanted to aspire to what people thought I was. I asked myself these questions: after getting straight A's, was I more intelligent? No. Did I understand everything I've learned when I got that A? No. So, I was NOT smart.

That really bothered me so I wikipedia'd the word "smart" and according to them "'intelligence' (as understanding) is arguably different from being 'smart' (able to adapt to one's environment)." The people giving me that compliment were right. Being smart means adapting to one's environment and that's just what I did: I figured out early and adapted to get that coveted A grade because getting A's meant good things will happen (and I liked good things). I was using the words "smart" and "intelligent" interchangeably! So that meant I WAS SMART! But does that mean I was not intelligent? Hmm...

Mean People Suck

2009-08-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

I was riding the bus yesterday with my mom and on one of the stops, an old man (he's probably in his late 80's) got on holding a wilted branch of bougainvillea flowers. He was smiled and presented the flowers to the bus driver when he got in the bus. I guess he was giving it him as a thank you. Here where I live the bus system is fairly new and two of the main bus routes are still free. The bus driver, very loudly, said, "Throw it away." Waving away him away, he closed the bus doors and continued to drive. The old man sat down on the seat behind the driver and gave kind of an embarrassed chuckle. Why couldn't the bus driver just take the flowers, and later on after the old man got off, throw it away himself?

My heart broke for the old man. I continued to watch him the rest of the way, thinking what just happened was similar to kicking a puppy. I vowed that when I get off the bus, I was going to walk pass him and say some nice comment about his flowers. The old man beat me to it though because when the he got off at the mall, he gave his flowers to one of the old ladies that helps and announces the bus schedule. She took it and gushed how pretty they were and pretended to put it on her hair. The old man was smiling again.

When I asked my mom if she saw what happened, she said she didn't even see anything (I guess because she was busy talking to me at the time). Then, she said that maybe the old man was not right in the head. This got me a little angry because that did not give the driver (if he was thinking the same thing my mom was) the right to be mean to the old man. I was also angry at my mom because this was the first thing she said, and was not sympathetic at all. The old man was doing a nice thing; it should not matter if the flowers were wilted and ugly, or if he was "crazy."

11 Things I Don't Understand...

2009-07-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

1. Boys

2. Putting travel-sized liquids in a quart-size Ziploc bag at the airport. Will the baggies keep the terrorists' doctored liquids from exploding? And why wasn't I allowed to keep a 4 fl. oz. bottle with half the product in it and the person behind me in line was allowed to keep a full 3 fl. oz. bottle?

3. Irresponsible parents- Parents who let their kid(s) run wild in a public place. Why do they let their kids do that? Do they think it's cute? It's not.

4. The Twilight series and its popularity. The writing in the book is mediocre at best and the movie is so bad, it's laughable. I really don't get it.

5. Why women wear nails with paste-on jewels. It's tacky.

6. The Jonas Brothers. They can't sing and not really that good looking. Why do girls (especially ones over the age of 13) go ga-ga for them?

7. Sitcoms with canned laughter at every other word the characters say. 90% of the time, what they say is not funny (like in Friends). Is it a way for the producers to convince the audience that the show is funny? I, for one, don't need to told when to laugh--if it's funny I'll laugh. FYI, I have never watched a full episode of Friends.

8. Chain letters and why people send them. Jeez, your mom/dad/sister/brother/sister's best friend's dog is going to die a horrible death because you did not send 20 of your friends these effin' long-ass text messages!

9. People's endless fanatical obsession with a celebrity's life and/or death.

10. Diet Fads

11. Stupid acronyms like BFFAEAE and WTFDJCM. Who comes up with these things?

Things Bought and A Lesson Learned

2009-07-27T01:10:00.000-07:00

I am getting an ipod touch. YAY! Actually, I was just going to get a nano like my old one but my mom said that since I'm gonna get an ipod anyway why not just get an "touch." Well, I couldn't afford a touch. She offered to pay for the difference between the nano and touch price, so who was I to argue. I've been wanting an itouch for the longest time. Since it came out, really, but there was no sense in getting one since my old ipod worked just fine. However, a few months ago my brother took my old ipod and this was fine because I've been wanting to upgrade. But the mainland trip was coming up and I wanted to have spending money. Anyway, I'm just really excited. I hope it won't be a big disappointment and I just like the idea of it.

My liking just the idea of something happens quite a lot. Take for instance makeup. I found makeup is not for me. The idea of it is nice and watching people put it on on Youtube was fun, but makeup is a hassle to me. It takes so much time to put it on that I have to at least wake up or get ready 20 minutes earlier than my usual time. Don't get me wrong, I will put on makeup on special occasions, but I'm quite happy with going natural most of the time. And I'll still continue to watch those makeup videos on Youtube because I find them strangely fascinating.

Other than the touch, I also finally ordered the soundtrack for Avenue Q. I went to see the play on a recent trip to New York, and I loved it. I already knew some of the songs way before I saw the play and often listen to them, but hearing and seeing the actors perform them in the context of the play was great. I am also very excited to get that.

And since, I'm talking about purchases (yes, my left over money is very quickly dwindling) I also bought the books Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell (I want to read the book before seeing the movie) and Educating Esme: Diary of a Teacher's First Year by Esme Raji Codell (I want to be inspired again about becoming a teacher in case I ever do get a teaching job). I can't wait for those as well!

Oh, and I've learned not to assume because it leads to bad consequences. It screws me up and others as well. Hence the saying: Don't assume--it makes an ass out of yoU and ME. Hopefully this stays with me for a while, but knowing me... Hmmm....

Songs can say it better than me...

2009-07-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

Filipino Pride?

2009-07-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

I don't quite know how to put this because I feel uncomfortable realizing this about myself. Okay, here it goes: my being Filipino is not something I particularly talk about or I guess "advertise" (for the lack of a better word). If I can avoid the inevitable "what are you?" (meaning what ethnicity I have) I would. Although most people can probably guess because my facial features are very Filipino. I am very ashamed to say this, but the only time before college I was glad I was Filipino was when I was applying for all those Filipino scholarships.

I guess the bottom line is: Growing up I'm not particularly proud of being Filipino. This attitude probably came about when we first moved to Maui. I was nine years old, didn't know how to speak English, I was very shy and hardly talked to anyone in school, and the teachers didn't know quite what to do with me. It was 1996, and most of the Filipinos in school were either born on Maui or came to the island as babies, so they had assimilated. I did meet two girls who were "fresh off the boat" like me and we formed a fast friendship, but we endured a lot of teasing ("flips," "black dog," "gay" [because we used to hold hands which is what friends in the PI do], they would make sounds whenever we walked by, as well as other things). Of course, I'd also experienced racial prejudice outside of school.

This stigma followed me all the way to high school. You would think that since I live in Hawaii, growing up I wouldn't have experienced this because the islands are pretty much comprised of Asians. But I guess there is such as thing as being "too Filipino" or being "too much of an immigrant" back in 1996 and I never it shook off.

During college, though, there was a strong show of ethnic pride. The university have a prominent Filipino (and Ilocano) club. Everyone there readily admitted to their being Filipino and in some people's cases, being Ilocano. I didn't even know there was a distinction. To me everyone one from the Philippines is a Filipino but I found that you can also be Cebuano, Tagalog, Ilocano, and others depending on what part of the Philippines you are from and the language you speak. On a recent trip to the mainland, I saw Filipino pride there as well.

I guess now I'm trying to feel and show more pride. There is nothing wrong with being Filipino.

I'm Feeling Very Depressed Lately

2009-06-24T19:50:00.000-07:00

I kinda figured after college, I'd be all set. I'll live with my parents for a while, but eventually I'll be moving on to bigger and better things. But my life is not moving on. I'm back where I started from before I went to college. I just feel very unaccomplished and old and worthless. To make it worse, I start to think about how my life was even during college, and how it was very lacking. Sure, I experienced many things but I could've done more. Then, all the regrets start pouring in and I get depressed even more. I totally understand those people who are so depressed that they end up doing something really drastic because they have given up. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to do anything "drastic" but I do understand where they are coming from. The sadness is so overwhelming that it is better if you do give up because tomorrow could not possibly be better.

I've been depressed because every time I open facebook, it seems like all my friends are doing something really exciting and fun. I just feel really, really left out and sad about my life. People are enjoying life and having fun, and I have just been at home sitting in front of my computer or the TV and having absolutely NO life.

On top of all that, my face is breaking out more than ever and I've been trying some really expensive stuff that I can't really afford. It's not showing any visible changes after the first week. The pimples keep coming one after the other and I'm almost out of the stuff.

The whole finding a job thing is also really getting to me. I've applied to places that have emailed me and said: sorry, your qualifications does not match what we are looking for. Even worse, there are those places I've applied to, I went to a job interview, and did not even have the decency to email me and say "sorry you did not get the job." Don't I at least deserve an apology email. What, did they just forget about me? There is nothing worse than being forgotten. I can't even really try and find a job because I'm leaving for the mainland in less than a week. So, I'm biding my time and hoping when I come back from there that everything will click into place because then I can actively do the "job hunting" thing.

I really, really need something to perk me up because I don't think I can take feeling down all the time any longer.

A Few Things I've Learned from Watching YouTube Makeup Videos

2009-06-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

1. There is a HUGE makeup community on YouTube.

2. You can pretty much find a review (people sharing whether the product worked for them or not and if it's worth the money or if there's a cheaper version that works just as well) of any makeup product. (I like these the best.)

3. You have to wiggle the mascara brush for it to work the best. (seriously, I did not know this)

4. There a bunch of tutorial videos that show you how to put on all types of makeup that take the guess work out of putting it on. Being a newbie, this is really great for me.

5. I now know what "matte makeup" mean.

6. You need an eye primer if you want your eye makeup to last long and you don't want it to crease. (Although, I don't know exactly what they mean by "crease.")

7. There are contests put on by people on YouTube for their subscribers.

8. I now know what a bronzer is and what it does for your face.

There are more things I've learned but I can't think of them at the top of my head. Suffice it to say, YouTube makeup videos have opened a new world for me and I think I'm gonna be obsessed with it for a while.

My Newest Obsession

2009-06-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

First there was the DVD buying frenzy, then the crochet and felt mania, and let's not forget my biggest addiction: books. Now, my newest obsession is makeup! For those who know me, this is very out of the blue because I hardly wear makeup. Sure, I wear the occasional blush and eyeliner when I want to feel pretty and of course I always wear the necessary lipstick and chapstick because my lips are literally colorless and unsightly without it. But to me that's hardly "wearing makeup." Now, I have this urge to buy and collect makeup. Let me explain.

This all came about when I started to break out really bad. I wrote about how I started to break out two semesters ago and on winter break. Well, it never really stopped. All throughout my last semester of college the pimples just kept coming no matter what I did. It did not really bother me because I was busy with school and I didn't think much about them. But when my mom saw me when my family came to graduation, she thought they were worse than they were during spring break. A little over a week ago she told me to buy Clinique for my pimples because she heard great things about them.

Clinique is expensive and I wasn't going to buy something that was probably not going do anything for my blemishes and pimples anyway. I mean, I tried a lot of drugstore products and even stuff prescribed by my dermatologist. Nothing worked. But mom insisted, so I told her I'll research it first. I googled it and found a bunch of product review websites and some YouTube videos of people talking about it. I liked what I read and watched so I ended up buying the Clinique 3 Step Acne Solutions. (I'll write whether or not it worked later. I've only been using it for 10 days and I want to give it at least 2.5 weeks to work it's supposed "magic." Though to tell the truth, I see not magic so far, just more and bigger acne than usual. Hmm...)

Anyway, I was on YouTube watching the reviews on Clinique and under "related videos" were other product reviews of different makeups and makeup tutorial videos. I watched a few and I found them fascinating. I was thinking of throwing away my old makeup and brushes anyway because my mom is thinking they might have been the cause of my breakouts. Not knowing proper makeup etiquette, I did not clean my brushes or kept things sanitary. Hence, after I watched a bunch of them all week last week, then I went to sephora.com and bought makeup. Then, I went to drugstore.com and bought makeup brushes. My purchases were all well-researched, of course, thanks to YouTube. My Sephora orders came very quickly but I can't try them out yet because the brushes haven't arrived. I have since watched more videos and I really, really want to buy more. I still need eyeshadows, eyeliners, another shade of blush, more makeup brushes, face/eye primer, lipstick, and lipgloss all of which are essential in a makeup kit all the videos assured me. However, I am trying to restrain myself because I have to save my money for my trip to the mainland. Yes, I am finally going to see mainland USA, but more about that later.

I learned a lot of things from watching "how to" makeup videos and browsing through various makeup sites like Sephora, Clinique, Philosophy, and Mac, which I will list on another blog because this one is becoming REALLY long. But before I go, I'll post one of my favorite YouTube makeup guru's video:

I'm Back!!!

2009-06-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't done this in a long, long while, but I've graduated, moved back to Maui right after graduation, and I've just been at home doing absolutely NOTHING. Nothing because I am waiting for schools to give me a call for teaching positions interviews. So far I've been to one on Oahu, but that was a dud and I never heard from them again. I got another call last week but that was also another big dud as after I sent them my resume in the mail (they requested it because I wanted to do a phone interview-- no way was I going to waste my money to travel to Oahu just for an interview and not get hired anyway), the principal called after days later and told me that the open position is no longer open because the lady who was going to retire changed her mind. Aside from all the waiting, I am also slowly trying to sort out post-graduation things like asking for recommendation letters, transcript request, placement file request, and other stuffs I should've taken care of before graduating.

Here are some pictures from graduation:

My cap was about to fall in my excitement.

Cohort 402

BBG

Other than doing all that school stuff, I borrowed a bunch of Korean dramas from the library that my mom and sister (and sometimes dad) is currently watching. They are all dramas I've watched before so no surprises. Although, I seem to be watching them with new eyes because now they seem kinda boring. ALL (as in all I've watched and I'm 99% sure the others I haven't have it too) K-drama have this formula: 4 main characters- the main "boy" and "girl" who will eventually fall in love, a "villain girl" (who is not as attractive as the girl) who is after the boy and will cause them huge problems, and "the other boy" who is as attractive as the boy (sometimes more attractive-looking-- case in point: Spring Waltz) who is after the main girl girl of the story but not so much a villain but more like the shoulder the main girl cries on when the boy is being a big jerk to her (and all the main guy characters are all jerk in the beginning and sometimes they're such jerks that they can't really redeem themselves no matter how "sweet" they are in the end).

All that probably made no sense, but my main point is Korean dramas are very formulaic. I don't know why I was so into them (and still watch the random ones I come across once in a while). I guess it's the whole comfort thing: I know how they'll end (happily ever after [unless you watch a depressing drama and someone dies in the end but I avoid all those]) and that makes me happy. This is also the reason why I love watching cheesy romantic comedies and why I hate sad movies. Movies are all about escape in my opinion. My life in general is already full of problems, I don't need to watch more sadness.

Here is a clip of my all-time favorite cheesy romantic comedy. It's a classic and if you haven't watched it already you definitely must.

Speaking of YouTube, I've actually been on that website a lot as well and it's all thanks to my newest obsession which is... MAKEUP! (which I'll explain in a later blog entry)

Aubrey

2009-01-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

That picture above was of Aubrey two years after I left for college. She was about four years old then. The pictures below were of Aubrey during winter break. I cannot do funny things to her anymore. I was just comparing the differences between the before college picture and the now, and the difference are huge. She couldn't even really talk then, and now she's reading! She had so much stories to tell about what she did while I was away. I just felt a little sad while I listened to her.

One of the biggest regret... well, not regret, but I guess a downfall to going away is that you miss a lot. One of the things that I had missed while I was gone was just being there as Aubrey grew up and developing a close sister relationship with her that was impossible to build as I was away. Also, my two sisters have a closer sister relationship to each other than either of them will ever be close to me. I saw that during winter break. They have a bond that I'll never have with either of them. Maybe it's the age difference between the three of us: I'm sixteen years older than Aubrey and I'm ten years older than my middle sister and the two are only six years apart. When I watched them while I was at home, I envied it. They'll continue to be closer as they grow up and I see the gap between myself and them growing bigger and bigger as I try to separate myself from my family and try to live on my own. Sure, I talk to them on the phone while I'm here and I see them on breaks, but it just doesn't feel the same. I'm not exactly sure how to explain it.

A bunch of pictures from break

2009-01-16T04:11:00.000-08:00

What I did during winter break...

2009-01-16T03:42:00.000-08:00

is NOTHING. I basically just ate, slept, watched, t.v., and read. That's all I did. For three weeks. Almost. I did finally see a dermatologist because my skin erupted like it never had since middle school during the break. I still have (acne) battle scars to prove it (and there's nothing the bothers me more than the marks pimples leave on my face because there's nothing I can do about them but wait for them to fade... and wait... and wait.... urgh!). Anyway, the dermatologist gave me an ointment for nighttime, a lotion for daytime, and antibiotic pills I'm supposed to take twice a day. Right away the pills did not agree with me. The first time I took one was before going to bed the day I visited the dermatologist. I would up in the middle of the night and I felt really nauseated. But I figured that's normal (I knew that was one of the side affects. The next morning I took another one and all day I had really bad nausea and I literally could not eat anything (I had to force myself to eat a piece of bread just so there's something in my stomach). All I ate that day was bread and water. Still, I figured, I'm still okay: loss of appetite was also listed as one of the side effects and in the back of my mind I thought it's actually a good thing because finally I stopped eating and I'll lose weight if I keep this up. By five o' clock that afternoon, I had a high fever, chills, and there was a sort of rash on my hip. Those symptoms were not listed as side effects, but the little paper that comes with the medication actually urge that I call my doctor right away if this happens. So, I stopped taking the pills after those first two. The next day was fine: no more nausea, loss of appetite, fever, chills, and only a small remnant of the rash. I ate like I had been starved for a week, so whatever weight I did lose that day I did not eat at all, I gain tenfold. But I figured what the heck, I had a week of break left and I'm gonna live it to the fullest. I'm still using the ointment and the lotion, and I guess they're working. No new icky pimple yet.

Fall 2008

2008-12-20T15:26:00.000-08:00

As Iook back on Fall 2008, I realized this was the semester I came out of my shell. Not completely out, mind you, but out enough that I actually experienced life without my thinking of consequences. Well, I thought of consequences, but it didn't stop me from doing what I wanted to do. This semester started out with my being full of expectations, but they were eventually dashed, hence the disappointments came and questions went unanswered. Despite these setbacks, I'll never forget this semester because I really got to know a number of my pledge sisters more. I wasn't particularly close to them that I would make an effort to hang out with them when we were pledging and even when we were neos. Now, I don't even have to make an effort to see them, I want to. They are some of the best friends I ever had and I hope next semester will be the same as this. Full of conversations, excursions, walks, bus rides, random moments, sushi, pledge bashing (haha), etc.

So, here's to this semester (raises a jamba juice) and to the next...

Creepy Lizard

2008-12-16T02:40:00.000-08:00

There's a lizard crawling on my wall and it keeps poking its head near my mattress... uck! I prefer cockroaches to lizard because I can actually kill a roach without feeling bad about it. Lizards are too fast and are actually useful (they eat flies and mosquitos), and are at least semi-cute.

Anyway, I started yesterday in a panic because I waited until then to do my final paper for ECE, and we were suppose to present it to the class as a final. I figured it'll take me about three hours at the most to finish it... WRONG! I woke up at 8 (an hour earlier than I planned) and I started on my paper. By 12 noon, I was still working on it and I found out I still have to write a letter to my mentor and prepare my field documents. By the time I finished the paper it was already pass one, I was still in my pajamas, and I haven't written my mentor letter or prepared my field docs and the final was at 1:45. When I left my room, there were things everywhere (my notes that I threw on the floor and on my bed, my books, a bag of cookies, etc.). My roommates said it was as if a tornado passed through my side of the room.

I had written a quick letter and I worked on preparing my field docs in the shuttle. Then, as I was running to the classroom my dad called me wanting to chat because he was bored at work. When I got to class I found everyone talking and eating, they haven't started and were apparently waiting for me and another girl to come. The final was less of a final and more socializing and beading. Yes, beading. I got to make this really cool hanging thing (it's currently next to my window) made with different colored and shaped glass beads. Each bead is supposed to represent the different aspects of early children that we have learned this semester. I just strung a bunch of beads together that looked pretty. When it was time to share, I made up some convoluted story as to why I pick a certain bead and it all worked out. Now, I am done with finals and I can now do what I've been wanting to do all semester. NOTHING!!

I've actually been doing a lot of nothing all semester, but now I can do nothing with out an assignment hanging over my head. YAY!

Going Solo Part 2 & 2nd Annual Iota Gift Exchange

2008-12-14T01:45:00.000-08:00

For my solo day, I started off being nervous, but as the day progressed it went as okay as it can get. That Thursday was kind of an unusual day, as it was raining hard the whole day. This means no outdoor recess for the children, so they were full of energy and I had to finally put a few of the children "off target" and I had to put one of the students in time out a few times. (Although it does not seem to work when I put her in time out. I think what I need to do is to get her to respect me and show I mean business. Hmmm... I have to think about this some more.) All in all, this day showed me that I have to work on a lot of things if I ever want to be a teacher in the near future, but I enjoyed it.

We had our second annual Iota Gift Exchange tonight. This tradition should be kept, although I will not be at the third annual (sadly as money is tight right now my museum studies dreams might have to wait for a little while). As always, hanging out with my pledge sisters was awesome. I just wish we could do it more often, but everyone's so busy and it's usually just myself and the third floor Frear people going to Genki night (and we haven't done that in a while either).

Anyway, I have a new book! ... thanks secret sister! ... I've been wanting to read Book of Lost Things (by John Connolly) for a while. AND I got a Borders Gift card AND a bunch of other random things (hahah... listing them would take too long). In addition to those fabulous gifts, Ju finally remembered to burn me a Jake CD. Yay! Now, if only I could get Ms. N___itikitembo to remember to buy me some swedish fish, I'd be in heaven...

Going Solo

2008-12-10T21:43:00.000-08:00

I'm solo teaching tomorrow for the whole day! umm.... I'll let you know how it went.

Graduate School?

2008-12-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

Maybe I don't have to fight so hard to come back for Museum Studies after all. A few weeks ago my mom called me and said that maybe it's smarter for me to come back right away for grad school instead of taking a year off to think. This change of heart from my parents' part was due to insurance only covering me as long as I'm in school full-time or until I'm twenty-three. If I take a year off, I'll be twenty-three by then and the insurance won't cover me and that means they'll have to pay for a separate insurance for me (I can't afford to get my own right now). So, yay for me, right?

Hmm... not so yay! After she told me this, I started thinking if this is something I really want to do. Whenever I call my parents, I always tell them how unhappy I am with my current major. That I hate my current major. That I am only staying and getting ready to graduate because it is what they want and I am following their wishes. Every time we talk on the phone I tell them that the thing I really want to do is go to graduate school and take Museum Studies. That is THE major for me and I am quite adamant about this. My main argument with my parents is that I hate teaching and I cannot see myself doing it ever. In reality, I am quite happy where I am right now. Sure, I am get sad and frustrated when I have to write lesson plans and reflections and such. Getting up early in the morning twice a week to go to my placement is not my favorite thing in the world. I didn't like taking the Praxis (hopefully I only have to take that last one and that I passed the first two I took). In reality, I love my students this semester and my mentor is great. I have made great friends in my cohort. Most of my professors are great people. I enjoy the classes I am taking (if not the work they have us do). It's only frustrating because I tend to procrastinate (a lot!), but I brought this to myself.

The thing is, I can see myself teaching. Maybe it's just the class I am with right now (these children are the most smart and well-behaved group I worked with so far... they're my dream students), but I can SEE myself teaching. I can see myself being a teacher and working with children and enjoying it 85% of the time.

When I look deeper within myself, the real reason I want to come back for graduate school is that I do not want to leave college yet. I am not ready. I am finally starting to have fun and stepping out of my shell, but now I have to leave. I also love living away from my parents. I love the freedom I have here. I love the independence. I do NOT want to go back home and live with my parents again. It's not because of my really wanting to go into Museum Studies (although it does sound really exciting from what I've read about it)... it's all these other reasons that I want to go to grad school. Grad school equals not having to live with my parents and being to be under their watchful eyes again. If my parents said yes, I can stay live here after I graduate I would not go back to school if I could help it.

Then why the heck am I thinking "is grad school really what I wanna do?" I have been fighting my parents for me to be able to do this since for more than a year. Maybe I don't want to stay in school longer and have to do all that going to school entails. Or maybe I just wanted it so badly because my parents are saying no and its something I have fight for. Now that it's attainable it lost its appeal?

Hmm...

I have a book-reading problem

2008-11-29T15:03:00.000-08:00

I love shopping for books. It's so much more easier than looking for clothes that will fit me right and finding the right shoe that will go with more than one outfit I already have. Clothes, especially, are a pain. They might look good when you try them on, and when you wear them the first time, but after you wash them, that's a whole different story. Some shrink, some lose it's shape, so get stretch, etc. Also, sometimes I am convinced they look good, but when I see pictures of me in the shirt or jeans, they don't look good on me after all. And you can't return them after you cut off the tags. Shoes are also hard to shop for because they might look good at the store and feel comfortable when you are trying them on, but when you actually wear them and walk with them for a distance, they are not as great as you thought they were.

Anyway, books are better. You can read reviews about a book and you can read a chapter of a book without leaving your house. If you do not like the book, then you know not to buy them when you go to the store. Books are also fairly easy to return: just don't crease the spine and pages or mark it. So, I prefer buying books. The problem is that because they are so easy to shop for, I am buying pretty much everything I find interesting. In the last three months I have bought:

-The Shadow of the Wind By Carlos Ruiz Zafon
-Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides
-The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
-A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
-Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (read)
-Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (read)
-The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (read)
-The Likeness by Tana French (read)
-In The Woods by Tana French (read)

I've always been a voracious reader, but I think I should focus on school stuff for a while. This is terribly hard, though, as books to me is beer to to an alcoholic. It's not helping that I have a pile of books I still want to read. And I have a list of books I still want to buy and read:

-New Moon by Stephanie Meyer
-Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer
-Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer
-When the Elephants Dance by Tess Uriza Holthe
-The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly
-The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff

You must think I've never heard of a library where I can simply borrow books and not spend any of my rapidly dwindling funds (that I should save for tuition and housing), but books I really want (which are listed above) I must have a copy of. My one of my greatest dream is to have a library in my home filled with my favorite books (dorky...I know), hence I must collect them. I cannot buy books I've already read, so I have to buy them before I read them. If I am not into a book, I can always return in (85% of the time I love the books I buy). This returning idea does not work when I do not read a book right away (the stores usually only give you 30 days to return). I have to stop buying books as soon as I see one I like. This is practically impossible.

Pie-eyed

2008-11-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

How come even though I know what I am about to say or do is going to sound stupid or be stupid I do it anyway when I am "not myself"? I have not been "not myself" for a long while, so I thought it's time. It was not as fun as other times, maybe because then I wasn't by myself or my friends and I were doing other things besides hanging out in the dorms, but it was as not fun. For one thing, I was trying to get sad last night for some reason. I don't know why. So, I was trying to think of everything that makes me sad and a lump formed in my throat. But, alas, no tears. I ended up just laying on my bed and when I woke up it was 2:33 in the morning. I was still in my going out clothes and my face wasn't washed, so I had to remedy that ASAP. Actually, and it may seem strange, but I try to make myself cry sometimes by thinking of all the things that make me sad. I do this in an attempt to make myself cry, to see if I could. Usually it does not work out. I get as far as having a lump form in my throat, but no tears. Anyway, my roommate was just telling me what I did last night, and I remember doing most of what she said. I also remember thinking I should not some of the stuff I did, but I did it anyway. I guess that's how it is when you are pie-eyed.

new hope and SLS

2008-11-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

How can one little story about someone be such a big deal and renew hope that there might be a small chance of something happening? I don't know. Especially when I am not even sure this story having anything to do with me. Yet, I find myself thinking (again) that maybe... just maybe... I hate getting my hopes up and then it does not turn out the way I want it to be and I get really depressed. And being depressed means random bouts of shopping trips and sappy love songs (think 80s/90s rock ballads and R&B stuff from the late 90s: Journey, Extreme, Chicago, KC & Jojo, Brian McKnight, etc., etc.) playing on my pandora. The shopping I don't really mind because I usually get some good stuff and if I don't like what I bought in my time of extreme sadness, I can return it. However, sappy love songs (SLS)... BLUCK!! However, I found that SLS are actually the magical elixir that makes me focus and do homework. I've sat still and did more homework while listening to SLS than when I listened to classical music or jazz music by Pachelbel, Beethoven, Mozart, Glenn Miller, etc. Strange. I have to figure this one out before I get suck into all that sappiness.

I tend to stay away from SLS because:
1. overly dramatic. no one loves like that or says those kind of sappy words in the real world. if you do, you might just chase away your partner
2. no guy is that sensitive (a girl I can believe.. an guy? not so much)
3. SLS = happily ever after. there is no such thing as happily ever after
4. if you really listen to the words on some of them... more creepier than a Stephen King novel

Another way to procrastinate

2008-11-17T00:16:00.000-08:00

I'm starting this diary blog thing because it is better to procrastinate than visiting victoriassecret.com or bananarepublic.com and being tempted to buy something. I've been procrastinating so much this semester that if you add up all the hours I have done it this semester, the total would be a lot more than all the times I've procrastinated in my last three years of college. I've also online shopped more this semester than I have all my life. Okay, enough about procrastinating...

This semester I am placed in a kindergarten class for field placement. I love my children. They are so smart, well-behaved (as far as kindergarteners go), friendly, affectionate, and so eager to learn. All the lessons I've taught so far were a success (or as much a success they could be due to my bumbling ways) because the children were so GOOD! They are so good that I am actually considering applying for a teaching job (DOE or private) right after I graduate. "Considering" being the operative word.

My plan after I graduate is to go back to Maui for a year. I don't want to. I love living in the city. I love living on my own. I love the freedom I have here. I love the friends I've made here. I love just visiting my family just a few months in the year. I love my family, of course (I could not live without my family), but I don't think I can LIVE with them. Not after all this time I have been living on my own. However, my family (especially my parents) have supported me my entire life, and I owe them. I also need time to think about what I really want to do with my life. Hence, I'll go back to Maui. For a year.

Then, I would come back here and get my certificate in museum studies. How did I get from elementary education and museum studies, you ask? Well, I love being around and working with children, there is no question about that. However, I do not necessarily like want to teach just right away. I can do it, and possibly for the next thirty years, but I don't want to start doing something I am going to do for the next thirty years at 22 years old. I want to do something I am passionate about and then eventually find my way into teaching. My greatest dream is getting up every morning looking forward to going to work. Okay, maybe not every morning, as there's always those days, but at least 85% of all my mornings.

Anyway, Museum Studies: I have always been fascinated by history, and museums intrigue me. Seeing, standing next to something that was actually there at the time something significant happened; being in the same room with an object someone made when there are more dinosaurs that "people" ... it does something to me. It makes me think of my mortality and that there were others before us and now. Others whose lives we can only imagine and romanticize about. Then again, students visit museums all the time. All museums have an education department that plans and implements programs for visiting students. I am definitely going to use my education training if I go into museum studies.

It is now 11:05. I should get back to writing my math lesson plans, which I promised my mentor I would email to her today. There is less than an hour left of today. I have to get typin.'

Until next time I procrastinate! (which is probably very soon)

TOODLES!!